


Not the End of the World

by IsisKitsune



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Chronic Illness, Emotions, Episode: s01e10 Nelson v. Murdock, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Moving On, Past Relationship(s), Separation Anxiety, Sick Character, Tumblr Prompt, Tumblr made me do it, Worry, non-traditional hanahaki disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:20:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24147283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsisKitsune/pseuds/IsisKitsune
Summary: Tumblr post based- I can't find it but here's the gist of it. Non-traditional Hanahaki disease/Cronic Hanahaki disease brought on my emotional ties.Matt went quiet, stock still, in the middle of crossing a witness. He reached up and turned away, covering his mouth with the back of his hand, trying to clear his throat and letting out a hacking cough at the scratch before stumbling back grabbing inside his bag and choking out, “Forgive me, your honor,” while trying to get the wet sticky combination of petals and stems out of his throat.“Counselor, are you alright to continue?”Matt finally got his throat cleared well enough to find his voice, “Can, we break for a short recess, with-” he couldn't get the words out before he heard-“Counselor are those petals?”
Relationships: Matt Murdock & Karen Page
Kudos: 63





	Not the End of the World

Matt went quiet, stock still, in the middle of crossing a witness. He reached up and turned away, covering his mouth with the back of his hand, trying to clear his throat and letting out a hacking cough at the scratch before stumbling back grabbing inside his bag and choking out, “Forgive me, your honor,” while trying to get the wet sticky combination of petals and stems out of his throat.

“Counselor, are you alright to continue?”

Matt finally got his throat cleared well enough to find his voice, “Can, we break for a short recess, with-” he couldn't get the words out before he heard-

“Counselor are those petals?”

Matt couldn't play it off, “Sadly, yes, your honor.”

“15 minute recess, and then we'll continue with your cross, Counselor. I suggest you get your affairs in order while on that recess...”

Matt turned when the gavel struck, turning toward his client, “Hey, we can, what's it called, like postpone this. If you need time.”

Matt just shook his head, “I'm fine, it's, complicated. It's just annoying as hell.”

“I've seen people doing that, they don't last long... We can wait on this.”

“No, don't worry, we'll have you out and back home in time for dinner. They have no case. I just,” Matt could feel himself going pale, “Need a minute,” he actually stumbled on his way out before rushing to the bathroom. He did not want to deal with this. Not now, now he would have to deal with a cross of his own. Accusations of being involved with his client, probably a juror, or witness or even prosecution if they couldn't figure out who the fuck it was triggering it. But it wasn't the people in the court room causing it, it was the one missing from it that was... Once Matt had finished hacking up both his lungs worth of petals and withered stems he popped two of the pills the doctors told him 'might' help on bad days and kept his mouth covered when it felt like they might threaten to come back up. He gulped hard when he finally felt his stomach settle and ran his fingers over the bottle before popping two more. He was over medicating, he knew he was, but the worst side effect he'd ever had in the past was feeling like he'd gone three rounds with Fisk without the concussion and passing out from blood loss, so he'd risk it. He had to get through this damn case. If he got through it, he wouldn't have to worry about the damn petals creeping up his throat with every word, every glance toward where He should be.

Matt splashed water on his face and rinsed out his mouth to try to get the taste of plants off his tongue before taking a deep breath. Just one case, he can get through one fucking case, if he did that he wouldn't have it happen again. This isn't the first time, the first heartbreak, all it ever took was one proving instance that his thoughts, feelings weren't bound to the person for it to clear up and settle down, at least until the next instance. He could walk into the office without hacking up petals everywhere, he could walk into a fucking courtroom without feeling the scratch of stems, he could get coffee in the morning without running to the bathroom to cough up his lungs, he'd get through this too... He just had to do this once, and it'd go away. It always did.

Matt growled when he finally cleaned up, and washed off, only to realize there was blood somewhere on his collar, his fingers played over the slightly warmer copper smelling spot and he took a deep breath. Just, one, that's all he had to do, just one.

He nearly ran into Karen when he left the bathroom, “Matt, hey, you okay?”

“Karen, what are you doing here?”

“They, called the office, I was there and- they were looking for Foggy to take your place, after- Are you alright?”

Matt shook his head, “I'm fine, it's just, nothing to worry about.”

Karen held up a folder to him, “Foggy said to bring you this if this ever happens... I- I didn't look.”

Matt smiled when he read out 'Medical history/diagnosis/treatment' on the folder, “Thank you, Karen. You didn't have to-”

“Foggy said they're liable to try to pull a mistrial if you didn't have that, so I brought it.”

Matt smiled, “Thank you,” he could breathe easier at least, the medicine must have been kicking in. “But I'm alright.”

“Matt, they said-”

“I'm fine, Karen, thank you.”

Karen rushed toward him, “Matt, I do love you, you know that right? It just, might not be the same love you feel for me.”

Matt stopped and smiled as he turned toward her, arm reaching out to hug her before kissing her hair, “It is, Karen, don't worry.”

Karen took a relieved breath, “Then, who?”

“That might have been it, I feel better,” lie, lie, lie... Matt just smiled as he patted her shoulder before heading back into court, gulping when he swore he felt a scratch creeping up his throat. “Forgive the interruption, your honor. A few pages that might help with the- incident.” He set the pages labeled for explanation on the bench before heading back to his seat.

“Are you sure you're alright to continue?”

Matt nodded, “Yes, your honor. I just, needed a moment.”

The judge was reading over the pages, Matt could hear the shift and feel eyes on him, “This, is medically documented?”

“Yes, your honor, I keep them updated and we monitor it constantly. One in a million- so to speak, I think I'm actually one in several billion by actual statistics.”

“Chronic Hanahaki disease?”

“Believe me, your honor, I had a similar disbelief when they figured out the symptoms.”

“So, this is- a flare up?”

“It's, an action bound to the cause. I intended to have a... less problematic case to break the connection between the emotion and the action but, that one was dismissed so it appears it wasn't enough to actively break the connection in my mind.”

“Can you state on record the cause then, to ensure that this isn't a mistrial?”

Matt sighed, “My partner, and I, had a disagreement. Personal not professional. He decided to move on and I have been dealing with missing that partnership.”

“So it's not involved in anyway with this case, or those participating in it?”

“No, your honor, it's just, moving on from a partnership. That's all.”

“Alright, the recess is almost up, I suggest you make sure to try whatever techniques you've found to help and minimize the condition symptoms.”

“I've already taken my medicine, the worst might be a bit of a scratchy throat. It won't be a problem.”

“Alright, carry on then.”

Matt was taking a relieved breath when he sat down beside his client to wait out the recess. “Are you sure you're okay?”

Matt smiled, reaching to pat at the tense hand on the table, “Don't worry, I told you, we'll have you back home by dinner, might be supper though given the break. Either way you'll sleep in your own bed tonight.”

“I'm more worried about you right now... Last thing I want to happen is someone keeling over trying to defend me over this stupid squabble.”

“Once this is over, it's my professional legal advise to get a restraining order.”

He earned a snort, “Shoulda followed the golden rule, don't stick your dick into crazy.”

Matt snickered, “Yeah, been there. Learned the hard way too, just not this hard.”

“You're one up on me, man.”

Matt went straight faced as the proceedings were called to continue.

-

Matt sighed when he heard Karen unlock the office door, he should have seen this coming, “Matt? You in? You weren't at your apartment...”

He couldn't help smile at the sudden intake of breathe when she flipped on the lights, “I'm here.”

“Scare me like that, sitting in the dark like a creeper...”

Matt shrugged, “Saves on the electricity.”

Karen actually chuckled, “So, everything go okay with the case I see.”

“Well, it helps when the now ex- was attempting to use the law enforcement as a manipulation tactic whenever she didn't get her way with her now ex-boyfriend.”

“Are they going to actually stay 'ex'?”

“We've got a restraining order already filed. Believe me, the judge was not amused by her.”

Karen let out an amused sound as she stepped up to his desk, “So, how's- the coughing?”

Matt shrugged, “What coughing?”

“So, was it that? I- tried to ask Foggy about it, but, he kinda pulled a you about it and clammed up.”

Matt sighed and nodded, “It's fine now. I just, needed to move forward.”

“He did give me one tidbit. Said it happened sometimes in college, you just had to work it out. Matt, I've, I've had people I knew, they didn't-”

“It's just, like an allergy flare up, Karen, don't worry about it. It'll go away, it always does.”

“So, what, Benadryl and it's all good?”

Matt snorted, “A little more complicated than that, but basically, yeah.”

“Uncomplicated it, Matt, because that- has never happened before...”

Matt sighed and shook his head, “It's too complicated for that. Hell, when the doctors found out, the first time, they put me up in intensive, essentially on hospice. After dad died... I just, loved his so much, losing him just, broke my heart a bit I guess. I started wheezing and hacking so hard, I could feel them, but there was nothing I could do. And then, once the doctors pinned down the reason I was hacking up petals, they tried something. Basically a separation anxiety therapy as well as grief counseling... So many headshrinkers but they got me settled on pushing through it and discovered that once the emotions and the memory ties were severed from activities, I could, breathe, and I felt the plant dying off. Then it happened a couple years after when my mentor tore my heart out of my chest and stomped on it... That, took years... They finally developed a medication to ease the withering and shedding of petals. Helps me be able to breathe without hacking. But, this one, seems to refuse to just, die...”

“It's Foggy, isn't it?”

Matt stayed quiet until he cleared his throat. “Yeah, it's Foggy. I messed up, he's moved on- I just, can't seem to get the plant to die this time. Everything I do is attached to him.”

“Matt, tell him, please?”

“I'm not going to force him, manipulate him, into anything- just because I've tasted nothing but fucking flower petals for weeks... I will live, regardless of if sometimes I wish I wouldn't. It's not terminal, it's just fucking annoying and painful.”

“Just tell him, that's the trick isn't it? You tell them and they, they-”

“Sign your death sentence, yeah, that's the way it usually goes. Rather suffer than go through that again. I learned that long ago. Least that one didn't take this long to get over. It just laid me up in bed for a week straight...”

“If you don't, I will.”

Matt sighed, “Karen, if you do that, I'll have two plants dying. Because I won't let you manipulate him like that either. It's just emotions, Karen. Emotions flourish and they wither and die, just like everything else. It's not terminal, don't worry about it. I just, have to move on too, and I've been doing so.”

“But, what if, this time it is terminal, Matt?”

He stood as he reached out and hugged her, “It's not, Karen, Love never has to be terminal. Just like Love never has to be, family or friends or partners, it can just be Love.”


End file.
